I’m so torn!

I have come to the conclusion that I hate my job.  I feel like if I have to sit at my desk one more day and transcribe medical documents for mumbling, ESL, speed-talking, burping doctors I’ll go nuts!  When I was typing a tape the other night, this doctor took a slight pause on his tape and “broke wind”!  Obviously, he thinks so little of the person transcribing his dictation that it’s okay just to “cut the cheese” loudly without a thought to how gross it might be to me!!  Oh, and does the fact that this doctor does colonoscopies make you any more nauseous?  With all the gas passage going on, sounds like he needs his own services.  (My nice way of saying for him to stick it up his…)

I started a new job a few weeks back with the hope that I’d be doing mostly editing for the speech recognition software this particular hospital uses.  I found out yesterday, that does not take place for another 3 months!  I’m not a happy camper.  I don’t want to wait three months, especially when I need to know what the editing job is like ASAP so I can decide whether or not to take another transcribing job I’ve been offered making more than I have in the past and more than this current job.  The only thing there is I’m not happy with the hours they need me to work.  So it’s looking like neither of the new jobs are going to work out, and I’m at a crossroads. 

I checked out the classifieds on our local newspaper’s web site last night, and today I faxed my resume to two companies and will mail it to a third.   Will I, though, be working just to be able to GO to work outside the home?  Gas prices, money for clothes to wear, daycare, wear and tear on my car, makeup, meals out if I don’t pack my lunch, etc.  Any extra money I might make would just be spent on these things, right? 

I’m at a loss as to what else I could do at home.  I’ve tried to figure out these work-at-home message boards that profess to have the list of legitimate businesses that allow you to work from home.  Good grief! It’s like a secret cult where they disquise the names of the companies, i.e.: M*D*N*L*D* (McDonalds), and I even replied to a few of the posts only to see my replies disappear for some reason.  WTF??

When I write down the pros and cons between the two jobs I have now and then the pros and cons of keeping one of these jobs that allows me to work at home versus going back to work outside the home, all I end up with is a couple of lists!  Nothing jumps out at me telling me which would be the better choice.

You know what my biggest worry is?  My age and my looks.  I don’t think it matters how intelligent I am or how qualified I am for the job.  What matters is how old I am and how I look.   The last job interview I went on, last year as a matter of fact, I was at least 10 years older than the oldest person in the office.  It was nerve wracking being interviewed by someone knowing that I might be old enough to be their mother!  I thought 40 was the new 30? No?   And we may have had more in common than she realized since I’m a 44 YO mom of a 4 YO boy doing the soccer mom thing. 

Oh, well.  I have a friend who says what’s meant to happen will happen.  I believe that, but what do I do in the meantime?  LOL!

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “I’m so torn!

  1. oh how i’ve had this thought a time or two. i mean i love my job but sometimes i get like..maybe i should be doing something else. then i think about going outside the home, not being on my schedule and i know the thoughts i had were crazy. there’s nothing like staying home and being available. just my thoughts! hugs to you Jan, i’m sure you will find the right solution for you and your family!

  2. can you make a list of costs vs pros and cons of a job and see where you come out. if you just need to make a little money than maybe a part time job someplace might work out. i know you need health benefits as well. sorry you are dealing with all this.

  3. I agree with what everyone else has said!!
    Hang in there it will all wotk out .. We always have to overcome little bumps in the road to get where we want and what we want in life!!

  4. I agree with you about the job thing. I don’t hate what I do, but what makes working so awful for me is working for other people. There is so much you have to take in order to get a measly paycheck.

    Our whole lives are governed by our jobs. Think about it. Our jobs control where we live, what we can afford to buy, what time we get up in the morning, what time we come home, how much we get paid, etc. It is no wonder we can even think for ourselves and probably as we get holder, thinking gets harder to do.

    I made a decision a few years back, after a number of downsizings and going through a lot of emotional, difficult times, that I did not want to work for anybody anymore. I did some research on home-based businesses and decided that I would prefer to just work for myself.

    I am a member of a home-based business, and yes it is hard to do because often it feels like you are working two full-time jobs, but the reason it is so difficult is because I have never owned a business before and I am learning. Part of the process of learning new things, you also make mistakes and even fail, but I am determined this is what I want.

    Four years have gone by and I have started making some money, my businesses are growing. I forgot to mention, I also own real estate. I own 6 properties. Once I make a decision to change things in my life, I go all the way.

    My health has been getting worse over the years because of stress at my job. I am a software engineer. If I don’t get out of the job situation soon, I can see my health getting worse. I see within the next year or two to be able to walk away from my career and spend more time at home. My skills as a business woman have become quite developed over the years.

    Thank you for letting me share….

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